Feeling sleepy

As a kid I always used to think that there is a reason for my existence and that I'll find it one day. Today I do not know where am I going?!?! I can see short term destinations but who has seen the future. Things never go as per the plan then why do I care about future or keep thinking about past. My religious heart asks me to follow a part that is not completely in sync with what is expected out of me ... perhaps because I do not agree with few sayings. My personal belief has always been to be a good human being and this "goodness" is of course a relative term. I do not want to hurt people and that is my one of the definition of being good. However, I wont say I have never hurt anyone in life ... yes unintentionally many times. Good or bad, happy or sad, love or hatred - there is no concrete definition of these words. Everyone does what he or she feels like. Interestingly I do not even know the threshold or extend to measure the love or happiness or goodness in my life. I can just feel it and sometimes it comes out as tears. Pretty ironic!

My mind is currently in a confused mass of protoplasm state. I want to do 100 things but not taking any steps towards them. Mum has always been right - I am the most laziest person in this world. Well, to think of it...I like to be lazy on weekends.....it is so much fun! Just lay around, watch TV, order food, sleep and sleep and sleep....(need to discipline myself....aaaah)

Diwali is coming - one of my favorite festivals. Still wondering how to celebrate it this year. Okay it is 1 am right now and time to bed. Yawnnnn.......